by Jeffrey Zielinski
Not taking anything away from Assuerio, he’s a tough dude, obviously. I hit him a couple of times and couldn’t finish him. I was really sick for the fight. I got really sick Saturday and had problems holding my innards. When I was warming up, I had a few problems, and I actually had a few problems in the ring when I was fighting.
I don’t know what it was. It got really cold when we were outside working out and stuff, going back and forth from the room. I caught something, and I just couldn’t hold in my number twos… If you look at the fight you’ll see that when my shorts came down, you’ll see the wet mark in my underwear.
That’s former UFC heavyweight champion Tim Sylvia, discussing the infamous night in which he shat himself during his main event bout with Assuerio Silva at Fight Night 3 on January 16, 2006 — eight years ago today. It was an incident that has become the subject of a joke or two over the years here at CagePotato, and one that has also become all the more relevant in light of last night’s Fight Night 35, wherein Yoel Romero allegedly suffered a similar intestinal malfunction during his fight with Derek Brunson (although Romero will tell you that the much-speculated stain on his shorts was the result of water and sweat). 30rockeyeroll.gif
Of course, Fatty Boom-Boom wasn’t the first fighter to suffer a case of the squirts (no, not that kind) in an MMA fight. Hell, he wasn’t even the first to admit to committing the act in the UFC. That honor goes to Kevin Randleman, who admitted to having violent bouts of diarrhea prior to his UFC 35 bout with Renato “Babalu” Sobral. In his first and only professional fight, Kyle Wethey was kneed so hard by opponent David Mitchell that he similarly lost control of his bowels, resulting in what I can only assume is the most hilarious and disgusting DQ loss of all time. Did I mention that Wethey hasn’t fought since? Because he hasn’t fought since.
But what set Sylvia’s poop apart from the rest of the poops committed in the octagon was one simple fact: Sylvia’s poop was caught on national television, making it the first (confirmed) cable TV poop in MMA history, as Fightlinker pointed out. This was the poop heard (seen) around the world, and was arguably the most memorable moment of Sylvia’s reign. His title defenses against Jeff Monson and Andrei Arlovski? Completely forgettable exercises in tedium. That time he shit himself in front of millions of people? LEGENDARY.
So it is to you, Timmeh, “The Manie-Iac,” Fatty Boom-Boom, Race Relations Consultant of caucasians worldwide, that we raise our glasses of prune juice to and give toast. For without your brave venture into the unknown, we would never have been given a glimpse into the dark, rancid underbelly of the sport. Hip hip, hooray!